I've Got a Feeling

For the first time in a long time, perhaps my whole life, except for those pieces where because nothing is under your direction you don't have to care where you end up (the youngest ages of our lives), I feel like I'm settling in. More than that, that I like where I am settling in. I like the person doing the settling. I feel... free. Like I'm making my own choices, more for myself than ever before. Not because of family, mother, sisters, or friends, acquaintances, social imperatives, crushes, enemies, the people you make bad first impressions on from which you can never recover (so stop thinking about it already). But for me. I've decided where I'm staying for the winter. Cabin and dog sitting, oh my! I'm wondering about my move for the summer. For me. Not because I have to (though technically I do, or I could just be homeless) but because I feel full of potential. And I wondered, why shouldn't I? I feel like it's possible for me to be on my own and rather than be scared (though there is also that) I feel empowered.

And what's more lovely is that I feel the urge to write. That suddenly, again, I can write. And do it well. I went through a whole, "Oh no I'm definitely not good enough" wave, which I've been told we all go through And we really do: writer, architect, McD worker (especially McD workers?), construction worker, migrant, traveler, (migrant traveler?) world saver, doesn't matter. Which is comforting in its own way. Maybe the common thread?

But I was sidetracked. I feel as though I can write. More importantly that I should write. In a way I'm interested to see if there's a day where I'm going to be permanently disillusioned by the world. I don't think I will, and that makes me happy. As many internet memes say, my faith in humanity has been restored. Faith in myself as well.

I'm riding this feeling for as long as it lasts.