Before I mislead you any further, let me jut say that this is not, in any way, an inspiring story, unless it inspires you to never do what I have done. However, because I know people need to learn from their own experience, I doubt it will even do that much.
When I woke up this morning there were many things I was not capable of accomplishing once the hangover really set in. First though, I had to clean my vomit off of the window sill and several of my roommates things on that window sill. To be clear, there is no reason I should have even been over by the window. There's even less of a reason for me to have been throwing up by that window. Or on it. Once I finished cleaning, the self-loathing really set in.
Let's back up a little further. I don't remember doing the vomiting. When I woke up I was not wearing a shirt but I was still in the jeans from last night. It's always interesting for me to take stock of what I'm wearing when I don't remember ever getting into bed. My roommate was not in her bed. She was presumably taking stock of the things I had ruined, including a box of tea. I put a shirt on and was sitting up, taking stock of exactly how much pain I was soon going to be in. She came into the room and said, "You do know you threw up all over my stuff." It took me quite a while to register this, and then to be able to understand the enormity of the situation.
The evening before was not without its fun, to be sure, but, as I am sure so many of you know, drinking tends to lead to drinking more. And then trying to climb on the roof. And then being pulled off of the roof by two guys to make sure you don't kill yourself.
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| (Pictured here: Damages by roof) |
So let's get back to where we started, which is how great your body normally is when you haven't filled it full of poison and then run into everything. You can move! Without pain or dizziness. You can lie down. And tilt your head. You can probably even turn in a full circle. You're capable of eating things. Of saying the word food without feeling like throwing up. You can drink water without throwing up. In fact, regularly, your body accepts and holds all the food you try to shove into it. This was very severely not the case for me. In between crying and throwing up I spent a good deal of the day sitting on our very small, very dusty bathroom floor. I had managed about six bites of an english muffin, which was six bites too many in my body's opinion. And if you ever want to argue with your esophagus about when it should be letting food out, let me just say you will always lose.
Some Stats from this learning experience:
Attempts to climb on roof: 2
Bottles of vodka consumed (by just me): 1
Number of beer pong games played: 4 (maybe?)
Probable blood alcohol content: 10
Number of times I threw up: 11
Times I remember throwing up: 9
Number of vows to never go to cabin in the woods parties: probably 1,000,000
I had a victorious dinner of peanut butter snack crackers and watered down apple juice. I haven't thrown up in several hours and I hope that trend continues, for a very long time. Because there's almost no worse a way to spend a sunday afternoon than your body's revenge dry-heaves.
Right now it's about ten o'clock and I'm not feeling totally normal yet. Loads better? Yes. Like I could go for sandwich? Not so much (though I did just manage to eat the other half of that english muffin). My roommates occassionally pass by the sliding door that leads into one of the shared bedrooms and peer in, as if they're wondering, "Is she still alive?" What I am most worried about is the damage I have done, and the possibility that I have really upset the roommate who's things I so generously adorned with the contents of my stomach. She says it's fine and that she can tell I am truly sorry, but I'm going to buy her some tea and leave a little extra money. It's possible that my own shame leads me to fearing that it's worse than it really is, because this is the first time I have ever done something like this. And I know what you skeptics may think, but it's going to be a while before I even touch another drink.
And I'm positive lime vodka has been ruined for me forever.
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